The manstrual cycle

Once every 25 or 30 days or so, men get the urge
to do something manly, such as building something, moving some
furniture, that sort of thing. They always inadvertently wind up cutting
themselves on something and bleeding for a few days afterwards. This is
referred to as "manstration" and is part of the natural cycle ...of being a
man.

orangeteeth

So eating an orange after brushing your teeth is of course pretty nasty, however brushing your teeth after eating an orange is no picnic either.

Little D knows how to make an entrance

Best possible way to make an entrance: somersault into a room, and then declare you're from the future.

 

A very Potter Sequel rocks hard.

What about Batman?

So hey. Batman. Can beat anyone with enough preparation time? Perhaps.
But can he beat hemorrhoids, with enough preparation H?

Candy corn

This must be tachyon candy corn, I got a sugar rush before eating it.

The might of... Hercules

To say getting up this morning to drag myself to work required a Herculean effort doesn't do it justice. I prefer to reference specific parts of Hercules' labors. Getting up this morning to drag myself to work was like Hercules holding up the world while Atlas retrieved the golden apples for him.

Two great tastes that taste great together

Step 1: Get a wrap.
Step 2: Smear peanut butter all over one side of the wrap.
Step 3: Add macaroni and cheese.
Step 4: Wrap the wrap and seal it using a George Foreman grill or other similar style cooler.
Step 5: Eat the best fucking wrap ever.